Somthing along the lines of being myself
by ZoeJeren
Summary: Tanya's life isn't how she expected it to be, now she gets another chance.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers and never will, although it be pretty cool if I did, Saban/Disney owns them.

_side note: there are few minor things you should notice, when the line comes across in the middle of the chapter that is Tanya remembering her past, those line are italic just like these._

Ch 1

**I'm required by law to tell you…..**

I simply don't feel like putting up with this kind of crap. I've put up with it for so long that I think I've lost myself completely. My duties as a ranger are over and have been for over five years and I'm done with trying to be someone that I I'm not.

I look over my shoulder and try to see the eyes behind the mirror that have held me here for so long. I don't want this, this sort of thing isn't for a person like me who once had been struggling to save the human race.

The notes play along as I hear the playback of my voice and I notice more than one or two simple mistakes that can be redone.

_Where did I go wrong?_

I know I wanted this more than anything and I even gave it up for that while and focused more on my ranger duties more than anything.

I can't believe that singing has stopped making me feel like being a ranger once made me feel. I was changing the world and helping it move ahead for the best.

"Uh, Tanya, you ready? We're going to start back on the key change and do the whole chorus again." I hear _his_ voice telling me. The voice I longed to hear every so often when I started this whole recording business.

"I can't, my voice is out, I'm gonna crack." I say as his face changes from serious to are-you-kidding-me.

"What have you been doing? You're voice is important and for you to loose it when we're recording the new album."

His voice is a higher pitch than any other time he's ever raised his voice at me in the studio. The back-up singers notice the uncomfortable tension in the room and immediately say they're taking a break.

"HOLD ON!" I hear him yelling at them. I can take his constant yells and nags at me, but not at this girls who have to put up with singing with me when I know that I'm not supposed to be here.

"Do not yell at them!" I hear yell at him.

He looks at me with his raised eyebrows and I know I just pushed his buttons.

"What?!"

"You heard me, don't yell at them, yell at me I'm the one not concentrating, they're here working with me, I'm the one who's to blame, they just want to take a break, they've been doing great this whole recording session."

One of the producers along with a few of the tech guys across from me take a cue and get up. They leave me alone with my so-called agent/producer, Dennis. He looks at me from across the window and starts screaming some babble into the microphone that distortions itself as it reaches my side and all I can hear is loud screeching static.

"STOP IT!" I scream back as a flash of colors come to mind.

"YUUB CAHNT THELLL MIII WAAATH THO DOO!" I hear the stupid blabber, as he screams his way again into the poor microphone.

I look around with tear in my eyes, nobody has ever treated me like this before.

* * *

_The sun was out that day as I headed over to the recording studio and I took it as a sign that I would do great in my first recording session with Dennis._

_It had been only a couple of month since my days as a ranger had ended and I knew I had to go on with my life, but that had been a little hard, especially since being a ranger took most of my time. I had taken a few courses in the community college in Angel Grove, but having only school to worry about was not my type of life, I guess I needed a job, so I took one in the local café._

_There on Friday night we held open mic and that one day Kat had come to visit and made me get on stage sure enough there was Dennis, he heard me and wanted to sign me. I thanked Kat for having done that, otherwise I'd probably still be there._

_It took a while to get things straighten out but finally my dreams of making great music would be accomplished and I could get on with my life._

_The beginning was amazing just like any young artist would have thought it would be. The recording studio was filled with laughter and I had always a smile on._

_The lyrics I wrote were always accompanied by great music and I never had a doubt that my music inspired others._

_The first three albums were great, but when Dennis came and said that R&B wasn't supposed to be to inspirational I took it as a change, one that I would grasp and love, but as I heard the lyrics every time he wrote a new song they were just meaningless._

_I tried so hard for more than two years to take it as a positive, but when the music you make stops being the one you had once loved and known to be great, it just never sounds right._

_

* * *

_

"Tanya!" I hear him yelling again.

I make a face and grab my bag.

"I'm leaving!"

"What?"

"I'm LEAVING!" I scream in order to get my point across to him.

He enters the studio and he runs to the door to block my exit.

"You're not going anywhere…." He whispers. He's done this before, threatening me, telling me things behind others back, just so he can have the upper hand in the situation. When did the love become a hurtful person who now looks at me with enraged eyes?

"Dennis, you can't keep me forever."

I meet his stare, I know I'm scared, but I won't show it, not as long as he treats me this way. I'm not a weak person, I've never been, so why have I let him turn me into something that I'm not?

"Tanya, if you leave, we're through. I will make your life miserable. You will never ever be in a recording studio again." His anger to scare me doesn't work, that's his only weapon. I have my determination, and I'm getting out of here.

"You leave…" He whispers as he grabs my shoulders and shakes me. His anger is different than before, he should know better than to mess with a martial artist, but he doesn't know that about me.

I look at him and smile.

"I'm required by law to tell you that I have a black belt."

As I say the words, I grab his arm and flip him.

I don't intend to hurt him but just giving him that little taste of who I am gives me some satisfaction. He's definitely messing with the wrong girl.

I hear him grasp for air and he tries to get up, but all I hear is a thud as I walk away.

I turn to look at him one more time and I say, "I'm leaving," in a whisper.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers and never will, although it be pretty cool if I did, Saban/Disney owns them.

Ch 2

**Potential**

(the not so distant future)

Reefside

"Freak you out! Freak you out!"

"That was Kira Ford ladies and gentlemen!" I hear the announcer yell her name. I've been waiting to meet this girl, a girl with potential.

"Hey Tommy how old is she exactly?" I ask my friend who weirdly enough is a high school teacher and wanted me to hear this new girl out.

"She's eighteen, you won't have a problem signing her, she has her mind set."

"Focusing on only one goal then." I say expecting him not to hear me.

"She's so great Tanya," I hear Kat say behind me, "you really can't just let her go like that."

"Yeah, I know I'm gonna ask her, but I'm gonna make sure she sticks to it."

"What do you mean?" I hear Kat ask me. Her accent sure has changed over the years, when I first met her it was very noticeable, when she went to England it picked up again, but now after a few more years in the states again it was beginning to sound more American.

"Well, you know how I had trouble with my singing career, and I don't wanna make her think that its all fun and games, she has to know its hard and if she really wants to make it out there she has to speak her mind."

"Oh." Kat says and she looks away.

"What?" I ask her.

"Well don't you think giving someone the same treatment you were given is kinda unfair."

"No, I think she'll learn that way."

"Yeah, you think." I hear her say as she joins the crowd and screams along about another song.

Kira Ford, I'll see what she's made out of.

* * *

_I had been looking for work for over a month and no one had even given me the chance that Dennis had so easily given me before._

_I tried everything that I could possibly think of and nothing._

_I was giving up, when Kat showed up in my front steps and asked if she could spend the night. I told her she could spend the year or maybe take up paying my rent. She had looked at me confused and when I opened up to her it felt liberating._

_I had been needing my best friend to tell her all about my ordeal and finally she was here._

_"I didn't expect you so soon, when you called, you said you'd be here next week." I told her as we sat together that night catching up on everything we couldn't talk over the phone._

_"Well I would've been here next week, but somehow Tommy bailed on me and said something about going to another dig. Apparently something super important came up and he had to go see for himself."_

_"Tommy and his new obsession with dinosaurs, I wonder how it all came about."_

_"Do I need to remind you, his first powers were based off a dinosaur."_

_"Yeah, but you don't see me turning all magical on you, after all our powers were based off mythological stuff."_

_"Yeah, well he's into that stuff and I can't blame him, he's found something that he really likes and won't give it up, I guess this really means something to him."_

_"Yeah I guess, I wish the passion he has would rub off on me, I feel like I've let everything down."_

_"No, you haven't you're passion just needs a little boost and I'm here I'll help you out."_

* * *

I guess that day Kat told me she would help me out, was the day I realized that not all my dreams had died. That maybe there are detours along the way and we just have to go through them in order to get where we need to.

I listened in as the last few notes rang in my ear, Kira was a good singer and performer, I wouldn't exactly over work her or make her feel like her music wasn't important I would never take it that far, but I would test her, after all mentor can test you. Making sure that what you're doing is good for you never hurt a fly.

"Hey, Tanya, she's coming over to meet you."

Kira like me wore yellow as her accent color, she was wearing a yellow headband and the rest of her outfit was blue, I took it as a good luck charm anyone ever using yellow made me feel lucky. Tommy walked beside her, probably briefing her out about me the one producer who could more than likely make her dreams come true.

Kat got up and immediately took Kira's hand and did such a motherly gesture, she stood next to her and had her arm over her shoulder. Its fine, Kat shouldn't feel protective of her I already like this girl. She knew her longer than I did but it was not thing to make her feel as if I was going to reject her.

"Hello, Kira," I say extending my hand and she gently shakes it, "I'm Tanya Sloan, a friend of Tommy's." I guess there's no need to introduce myself as a producer who was looking for a new face, Tommy and Kat looked like as if they had already informed her of me.

"Nice to meet you," Kira says and gleams, "I've heard nothing but great things about you, I'm really happy to meet you."

"Yeah, well, Kira it seems like you sure have a lot of potential to be in this business."

"Yeah, I know and hey look you're wearing yellow, my lucky color."

I really do like her, she's going to be great.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers and never will, although it be pretty cool if I did, Saban/Disney owns them.

Ch 3

**Look you're gonna do the song**

Kira comes in to the studio looking as best as she can, and being eighteen as I had once been and getting a beak like this one is so great that you don't want to give it up so easily.

She's probably put it in her head that she will be following every step I tell her to do, she looks pretty manageable, if that is the truth then I probably won't wan to manage/produce for her. Let's see first test.

"Hi Kira, welcome, I hope you like it here so far." I tell her trying no to sound to accommodating.

"Its great, I've dreamt of this day that I would record and now its actually happening." I hear her say as I try to disconnect myself and play along as best as I can as the bad producer who demands too much. If I think too much about hurting her feelings then I'll probably will not show her anything and she won't learn anything.

"So, which song do I play first?" She asks me. I smile, I was waiting for that.

"Well, see Kira, we had been looking for a fresh face for a new album we're putting together and you have such a great voice that when I heard you I thought you would like to give it a try."

She looks at me with a questioning look.

"But I thought that I was gonna play my songs."

"Oh, see, I don't think you know how it works, the producer, me, tells you what to sing. I mean you're songs are great, but they're not number one radio hits."

Her eyes widened and she mouths something off as she turns.

I can barely believe there are people out there who write songs as stupid as this,_ Bump to me, _and I can't believe I'm gonna give her this to sing. She'll run as fast as she sees this. Horrible writing and a horrible mix, if only she knew that I was testing her.

I hand her the lyrics and try to look as an air head, I think I can pretend to look like one. I notice that again she's wearing yellow, funny, but why would she do that unless……. Sometimes I guess I just wander off in my own mind.

"So, Kira if you could please start we're starting in the key of A and then from there we'll go to the chorus…"

"Are you kidding me?" I hear her say, good she can stand up for herself.

"I can't sing this, its so meaningless and puts women down as if we all want some every hour of the day."

Good, she can't do this song, I'll give her another one.

"Well Kira like I've said you have to do the songs we chose for you that we think and are most like gonna bring in more record sales."

She looks oddly at me and grabs her guitar and strums it lightly, I wonder what that does for her. She smiles at me politely and nods.

"Ok, I'll do it , but if I don't like it then I'm getting out of here."

* * *

_That day I had set out to go and look for a new producer or a new manager to help me build my career back up, and then I heard a voice, I wasn't one to tell people that they had great voices, but this voice was beautiful, accompanied by an acoustic guitar and her angelic voice was amazing. _

_I though about it more than once after that and I knew what I would do. After all I had been going for a month to interviews and voice auditions as a background vocal but nothing had happened._

_I decided to go back to college and become a music producer, and learn the skills of the trade, I would help others with their dreams of getting their music to get heard, unlike me who's dreams had been shattered._

* * *

"Tanya," I hear Kira saying my name as I stand over her and look down at the lyrics on the paper.

"You're singing the song and I'll get the guy's to put in a good mix after that, we can listen to it, it'll probably have to be till tomorrow or another day when they have it ready." I tell her as I sit in my producer chair and smile my mean smile.

"Ok, I'm doing the song, but if I don't like it, can we please talk about future songs that I'll be doing?"

"Sure." I say let's see how she'll do that, I wonder to myself.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers and never will, although it be pretty cool if I did, Saban/Disney owns them.

Ch 4

**Tommy and yellow**

Kira and I decided to get to know each other a little better, but I guess we'll be doing that more than often as we will be in a recording studio with each other a long time.

Kira didn't really protest to the things I put her up to or anything she more than anything just took it in and even though I was as mean as I could she still pulled a smile at me and I wondered why she wanted me to like her so much, I mean I already did, I was just testing her.

She's driving and I guess it means a lot that I let her drive, young kids like her always want to be the ones driving especially if you've only had your license for a while.

I see that she pays attention to the road and starts humming a little melody that I could recognize almost anywhere.

"Hmm…."

"Is that the Angel Grove High Song you're humming?" I ask her.

"Yeah, you know it don't you?" She says as she picks up the humming again.

"_Angel Grove, Hayiahiayah…._" I hear myself sing the words. Kira joins in and soon we're harmonizing and just like so many years ago that I heard both Kat and Aisha's recording I feel all tingly inside remembering the old days.

"So, Dr. O and his lady love invited me to go eat at their house do you wanna go?" Kira asks, its so weird for me when she calls Tommy that but I guess its something I'll have to get used to.

"Oh, I was also invited, we night as well head over there, Kat is an amazing cook she'll definitely have something delicious."

"Cool, then." She says as we both start harmonizing again.

* * *

_Going back to school wasn't easy and trying to get your diploma and at the same time was so stressful that I hoped for the day when none of it would stress me._

_Taking classes in the afternoon wasn't easy either, I mean, having to work a full shift and then go to school tired and somehow in between all that have time to do your homework. That was stressful, I often found myself thinking what if I went back to Dennis and tell him that I was wrong and that I would gladly do whichever music he picked for me. _

_But then again, no. I had left him because I was tired and I needed more than anything to go out any find myself. I needed to go find something that inspired me again. I really didn't have to look farther, music is my inspiration and so having it in whatever way I could have it was what I needed. _

_So I worked my way through college and eventually graduated at the top of my class in mixing music and off I went to find a musician who I believe I could help._

_It took me a while but I began to look and to be honest there sure are a lot of musicians with great vocal, but unlike me who want to inspire other with their music and lyrics, they just want in for the money._

_When I started noticing that I promised myself that I just wouldn't hire anyone, that I would test them to see if they were really there for their music or if they wanted to make a difference with their music, since then that's been what I've been looking for when I sign someone._

_People with integrity that are going to speak their minds and will have my support because they chose to run against the current and instead of doing it for the money they did it to get their music heard._

_I had been looking for someone for a while and when Tommy introduced me to Kira I was hyped, but like all other singers and musicians I had to make sure she was here for the same reasons I was here._

_I looked her up and own and heard some of her songs and I liked them, but how could I be sure what she really wanted._

_Finally, when he invited me that night to go see her I was nervous because her voice was amazing and I know that first impressions say a lot about a person so I was counting that she wouldn't let me down._

* * *

And she didn't and now we're here and so far she's been withstanding it all, but I know she'll pull though. She's got something that I don't see in every artist, but for me I really can't tell what it is.

"We're here." She announces and I quickly get out.

"Hmm, I would've thought Tommy might've picked a place closer to our old town, but I guess this is home for him."

"Yeah, well you'd be surprised why he chose this place…"

"Huh?"

"Oh, uhmm I think they're waiting for us."

"OK, hopefully its good. I'm starving."

* * *

Dinner was great and now Kat and I sit in the living room, while Tommy is downstairs looking for a dvd to watch. Kira went to the bathroom.

"I wonder what's taking Tommy so long, its his house and he doesn't seem to find a dvd." Kat says as we look around and notice for the first time in fifteen minutes that the house is too quiet.

Then we both quickly get up and head for the bathroom maybe Kira is in there or something's happened to her. Kat taps lightly on the door, and she does, the door opens wide. We take a peak and notice that no one is there.

"That's odd, this is the only restroom downstairs, where's Kira?" Kat asks to no one in particular.

"Maybe she went upstairs."

"No, I doubt it, its her first time here, I wonder where she went, Tanya can you go look downstairs for Tommy, I'll go check upstairs."

I turn and head for the door leading to the basement. I hate dark places and to go and suffocate there I feel almost insecure to go look for him.

I open the door and notice that the lights are off, weird, why would he turn off the lights? I ask myself, I don't want to go down there and definitely not alone, when I can't see anything, I might fall.

I hear a faint off sound coming from downstairs and keep quiet as I also hear a muffled voice, hmm maybe I should go investigate. I have training in case anything goes wrong, I won't go down without a fight.

Then I start my descend and the muffled voices keep getting louder and whatever noise I heard before is also a lot louder.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and immediately I grab it and try to throw the culprit down the flight of stairs, but whoever it is has also got me and now we're both locked together and off we go shrieking all the way, Kat.

"Tanya!" I hear her voice yell as we land in the darkness.

"Sorry Kat." I say as I get up and try to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness. "Do you hear that?" I ask her as she also gets up and dusts herself off.

"No, what?"

"That, be quiet."

We listen for a while and we follow the noise as best we can in the darkness. We come to a stop when a wall comes between us and the noise.

Both of us feel our way around the wall, but find nothing, we step on something and somehow the wall turns and we go along with it.

The room where we find ourselves isn't a place I've seen anywhere in Tommy's house so I immediately start freaking out.

"Kat, what is this place?"

"I don't know, I've never been here."

The room is big, and has a few consoles here and there and there's more technology here then I've seen in a long time.

"How did we even end up here? Did we trigger something?" I ask her.

"I don't know, I heard voices at the same time we turned." She informs me and sure enough at that moment we heard the turn of the wall and in comes Kira and Tommy.

"Guys, what's going on?" Kat asks as she looks over at them, they seem pretty tense and nervous.

"What is this place?" I ask Tommy who walks towards us and pushes some buttons here and there.

"I know that Zordon told us to go and live our lives because our days as rangers were over and that others would take our places and we wouldn't have to worry about anything." Tommy begins, immediately for some odd reason I know Kira is involved she's sitting down and looking at us and holding her wrist.

"But, who tells us what to do, where to go and how to live our lives. When Zordon died, I thought for sure we would never have to deal with any malice or threat to the earth and for a year it seemed that way, until I began to discover that there were other threats to the Earth that Zordon didn't know about or maybe he chose not to tell us. So, I along with another ranger investigated that there was a major attack coming to the earth by the means of Serpentera."

"Wait, what?" Kat and I ask at the same time.

"The thing managed to be buried in the moon for that period of time, me along with a group of others managed to stop it before it got to earth, and from then on I began to monitor the earth. I mean I had been keeping tabs on the rangers that took over for us, but I got too involved that I know of almost every ranger team after us, which brings us to here. I built this years ago and just over a year ago recruited three rangers to help me stop another menace. Kira here is one of them."

I look over to where she's sitting and I know that thing that I felt, that she had, has just been revealed to me. She's not just a nobody, she's a ranger.

"Yeah, Dr. O recruited me and the boys and we began to fight Mesogog."

"Mesogog?" Kat asks.

"The guy who weirdly enough wasn't trying to take over the earth, but instead trying to revert it back to the dinosaur age."

"But, why did you get involved? I mean I know everyone had secrets but you kept me in the dark for so long about all this." Kat begins, I feel the tension between her and Tommy and I know there'll be a fight later or something along those lines and I quickly try to change the subject.

"So, Tommy what colors did you get for your rangers, and I think I can guess which one are you?" I direct myself to Kira and she immediately smiles and says something amazing to me that I haven't heard in a long time.

"I was yellow and I had looked up to all of you guys, but mostly you since you are also a yellow ranger. When I met you I couldn't believe it and then you offered me the chance of a lifetime and I know that I wanted to please you and I hope you're not mad or anything."

"No, why would I, once a ranger always a ranger and we yellow rangers stick together."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers and never will, although it be pretty cool if I did, Saban/Disney owns them.

Chapter 5

**Tommy**

I had begun to see something in Kira after that one day I found out who she was, she wanted me to know that her songs more than anything helped her get her feelings out.

"We all need that you know." I tell her as she strums her guitar and looks up at me.

"We all need what?" She asks.

"Well, the time you spent as a ranger sure changed your life didn't it?"

"Yeah."

"We all need to cope with the idea of letting go of it. Of the powers, of the excitement, of the times you felt so proud of yourself for doing something not for yourself, but for others. We all need to live our lives and you have found it, it took me some time, but I think I finally found where I need to be after being a ranger. You had your passion before being a ranger and then you gave it up for a while, but that didn't mean that you weren't going to go back and pursue it. You did and with it you learned that you can't take out your frustrations, your feelings of how it feels being left without that time, although some people might interpret it differently."

"Yeah, it was weird for a while, I didn't know what to write about and then this song came to mind and I knew what I needed to do."

"You wrote about the whole experience, which is something that would've never come to my mind, but you did it and I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"Yeah, this song speaks to my little struggle and I can relate to it, not everyone can easily adapt and you showed me that I wasn't the only one."

"Thanks. Does this mean I still have to do the songs you had chosen for me before."

"Oh no! That was just a test to see if you were the type of singer who conforms with whatever is thrown at you and you just want to make money or the one that ones to inspire and get their music heard."

"I guess my music will be heard." She says as she strums her guitar and smiles.

I'll have to strum a guitar one day, just one strum and see what it does to you. Right now I need to get her to relax and be comfortable with her atmosphere that everything is fine and yes her music will inspire others.

_Tommy eventually sat both Kat and I down one day and decided to get us in one his whole making new ranger powers out of Dino Gems he had found in one of his digs and how he had thought about bringing some of us back, but to my surprise he said something completely different from what I thought he would've said._

"_I need to get back to my life." _

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I've been doing this because I thought that this was my life, I could never go back to being "normal" after being a ranger, so I never let it go. I've let it consume me and I can't live my life normally without having to worry about things that could happen to the earth. I guess I'm ready to start off and this time let it go completely."_

"_But you can't." Both Kat and I say to him._

"_Why? I really need to let this go."_

"_Because Tommy you have held on, unlike any of us and you have made your live revolve around it. Its your life and that way we'll always be content in knowing that no matter what there'll be someone looking out for us." I told him and both Kat and I agreed that, that was his life and he couldn't change it._

"_I believe that this is for you Tommy and I'll always be here for you and I'm glad you chose it because it means you care a lot more than anyone else. Its like Zordon, you r life I mean, he gave it up for this and you seem to fit the bill of being that guardian, protector of it, so you more than likely are the one who won't let go for our sake." Kat told him and from then on they both lived their lives and Tommy every week has his time in the lab below. Their lives go on normal, they've never reported back to me anything and to frank I don't think Kat knows too much either, but that's what happens somehow you've got to live on in the lines of being yourself and for Tommy that means always being a protector, for Kira making great music and for me just living my life and knowing that we are all safe thanks to someone who chose to be that for me. _

* * *

The song:

Something along the lines of being myself...

I wonder what I did

to find myself at luck's grasp

Never knowing what it would throw at me

But with every moment knowing I was glad to be there

And struggling to keep alive

to keep myself from letting go

I know I've had it since I first laid eyes on it

That I was the only one who could ever protect it

I knew I was meant for this

Now, I'm here strugling with every fiber of my being

to keep it from leaving

The memory of how it once completed me

To live my life and continue on without it

and only in my memory the sweet rememberance of it

and now I have to get back to something along the mines of being myself

Once it happend it wouldn't be relived

but I was glad it happend

I wouldn't wish it on anyone,

but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I know I've had it since I first laid eyes on it

That I was the only one who could ever protect it

I knew I was meant for this

Now, I'm here strugling with every fiber of my being

to keep it from leaving

The memory of how it once completed me

To live my life and continue on without it

and only in my memory the sweet rememberance of it

and now I have to get back to something along the mines of being myself


End file.
